he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
