you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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