yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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