i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize