there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
