apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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