Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
