Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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