i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
