You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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