Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
