I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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