Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
