I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
