On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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