To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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