I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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