I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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