Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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