maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
