kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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