take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
