I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
