So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
