you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
