Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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