Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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