i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
