Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
