The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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