If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
