I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
