My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
even my farts smell like vagina
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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