I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
