I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize