I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What a dumb baby whore.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
