And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
