Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to make a zoo with you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize