you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
is it fun? or sober?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
