You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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