Your face is a jimmy john
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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