is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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