what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
