it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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