I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
