My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
