I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
