um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
