apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize