you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm like, not good at living.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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