Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
