Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
