eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize