Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
