i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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