I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
