Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
