Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
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