you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
