dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
