She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
