I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
