well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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