So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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