And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
