The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
