you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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