I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
