the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
