I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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