there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i will never coherently bang her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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