perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
