I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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