I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
