Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
