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Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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