I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
