Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
