We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
