Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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