Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize