But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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