i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
