if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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