You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
