sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
