my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
