I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
