fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
