I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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