I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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