It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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