Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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