Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
