could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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