We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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