Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
