You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
