You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
