I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize