She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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