How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
