I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
