Pants 0. Shit 1.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
