I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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