he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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